Up-and-Coming Comedians Who Steal Jokes

Imagine for a second that you're a hooker.
Some of you, I sense, won't have much difficulty doing this.

You've only been pleasuring men for money for a few months, if that. Many would call you new to the trade. You have some experience, but only with the dregs and the scum who will take just about anyone, or with the really hardcore patrons who want to try everyone to see if there's a "perfect fit", if you get my meaning.

As with any job, you associate with your peers, share interests and swap horror stories (in the hooker business I can imagine these tales of terror are much more graphic and disturbing, so bonus). As you can imagine, the more seasoned pros will have certain techniques or methods for, say, cradling the balls, or some bizarre hip rotation. Maybe some of them have a signature technique they always use.

Now, say that there's one specific prostitute. We'll call her Boniqua. Say Boniqua has a certain approach to giving a handjob, like a routine. Guys love it, and they talk about their favourite parts, like when she cranks the shaft clockwise until it looks like a licorice or something. She and her friends talk often about this handy-cycle she adheres to, and you can also hear commotion among the more frequent clients about how her thick, calloused workman's hands are great for this line of work.

Business is slow for you because you're not so well known, so you decide to adopt this trick in order to rake in the customers. Maybe it's based on familiarity, or you think because you're so underground that nobody will relate what you're doing to the more popular version. Say maybe a brothel regular picks you out of the lineup for a change, and you try Boniqua's patented handling blueprint. This guy is there all the time. He's immediately going to recognize the technique and call you on it, "Hey, you stole this shit from Boniqua! Not only that, but she does it way better, rookie." Even the less-frequent scumbags are going to know, by word of mouth alone, where your palm-twist is from. You're busted, and so is your reputation.

The moral of the story is: If you're going to go to all the trouble finding the wardrobe and rehearsing your pitch, don't deliver stolen goods when someone can easily get the original, far better version somewhere else for the same price, or maybe a little more if it's on television.