Winter is Awful

Thankfully I live within the boundaries of "acceptable climate to be happy year-round," and so the issues I encounter regarding temperature are virtually nonexistent. Rarely, if ever, do I encounter a day where it's either so hot or so cold that I seriously consider relocating (although those days come more frequently in the summer than any season) so in that respect winter remains satisfactory, as long as I'm either inside or outside and dry.

I'll get down to business; snow is a terrible thing. It's the worst thing. I envy those from regions where there is little (I say 'little' because I worry that I would tire of its absence if it didn't appear maybe, oh, once a year) of this white menace and would prefer my immediate vicinity to take a hint from the wisdom of others. At the very least, my city needs to make the conscious decision to smarten the fuck up and kick this snow out.
Breaking it down goes as follows:

1. Initial snowfall - One of the worst parts of the process. I can't garner wages during any form of precipitation. Trying to film in the rain is arguably worse, but snow also tends to attach itself to my camera and stay there, melt, and seep into mechanisms unseen. It also seems to enjoy falling slightly past the brim of my hat, immediately swooping upward and placing its ass ever-so-daintily upon my eyeball while my eyeball is open and trying to look at a thing. Snow is like James Bond, if he were very small, and a dick. If I ever meet Sean Connery, I'm going to tell him to tell M to stop hiring snow as a form of warfare against me. I'd tell her myself, but I'm afraid my harsh words might rattle her into a heart attack. You know, because she's old. Snow is hard to gauge for personal efficacy since you may think you can still accomplish outdoor tasks, but once you get out there, you realize it's just as aggravating as if it were a tornado.
2. Flurries - Every time I hear the words "snow flurries" in a sentence like "there's going to be snow flurries," I load a shotgun. I have several positioned strategically around my house, in such a fashion that I can fire one and the others will simultaneously erupt into concentrated explosions, the shrapnel aimed directly at my head. Snow flurries are like Satan's way of saying "I told you this place fucking sucks." Don't go outside, unless you enjoy the feeling of tiny icicles penetrating everything that isn't wrapped in buffalo hide. You can't open your eyes if you're walking at all against the direction of the wind, so you can't see shit, and it's cold and wet. More on "cold and wet" later.
3. Cold and wet (or, I Told You So) - The area in which I live grants us the luxury of extreme regional cold followed by moderate regional warmth. This means that the thinner layers of snowfall promptly freeze, coating everything in an innocent layer of frictionless, transparent surface. When you step foot on this surface, you get a one-way ticket to "Being Cold and Wet" Town; Population: Assholes. Perhaps you fall on more of this substance (which, if you haven't figured it out by now, is ice), which gives you a free transfer ticket to "So That's What My Brain Matter Looks Like" City. Or, inconveniently, you fall into a puddle of wet shit or a local snow bank, which effectively ruins whatever your mood was previously and makes everything you're doing three or four times more irritating. Cold and wet is probably the worst thing that winter brings.
4. Slush - This is one of those red flags that indicate when the Earth is sick of our shit. There exists a substance that, when mixed with dirt, becomes cold, wet, sloppy, sticky dirt. Those of you claiming that mud also fits that description can fuck right off, because it's not at all the same thing and you know it. Well, perhaps you don't, so I'll fill you in. Imagine a thing that you hate. You loathe it. Imagining this item, object or condition alone causes you distress. I bet it's slush. It's always slush. Some dick has the nerve to reproduce, and spawns a child who, with insurmountable genius, decides to pile it all together and jump on it with gusto. The slush flies everywhere, and if you're nearby, you die immediately. Slush will kill you.

I know I left my general "hate everything to some degree" principle off the list, but that's because it's more of a rule for living than a seasonal nuisance. These are all reasons why winter is awful. Maybe I'll turn it into a video, since these posts receive anywhere between zero and virtually zero views.

Marriage is Awful, Weddings Are Worse Pt. 2

In the interest attempting to maintain what little attention span is offered on this vast machinescape, I've separated this post into two parts of semi-equal length. Just makes things easier.

Part 2: Weddings

I've dissected the institution of marriage, extracting whatever emotion serves to cloud what is already a very unnecessary course of action. Weddings are infinitely easier to testify against.
We are a species that prides itself on selfish indulgence and false justifications. Gods are great because they say they are, obesity is a disease, and bigger is better, because it's bigger. That makes it better. Because it's bigger. Shit.
For many, weddings are a celebration created entirely to please family members, largely at the expense of the happiness had by the two getting married. This is a process that rivals Las Vegas for the title of "greatest time-wasting financial black hole." Many spend months in preparation for one or two days, organizing with and paying hundreds of people to ensure that everybody but them enjoys the experience for a few measly hours while cramped into chairs around tables full of people they rarely talk to. The ceremony itself is long and formal, which guarantees that people like me are going to hate existence for its entirety.

While couples could be hoarding their earnings, saving them for the purchase of a home or even for frivolities that are much more enjoyable for a much longer timespan, they instead (often due to direct parental pressure) opt to throw money directly into the garbage, with expenditures that flaunt price tags that shouldn't even be legal. Exploitation of what was initially designed as a day of conventional celebratory entertainment has effectively ruined whatever "sanctity" the ceremony intends to preserve. You're destroying as you create. When you think about it, though, you're not even creating anything good.
Sometimes, during the preparation stage, a couple will, under unbelievable stress and tension, discover things that they despise about each other. Perhaps one half of this partnership isn't as assertive as they could be, and subsequently loses a reservation and must resort to the second-choice venue. For some, this is so pivotal that the entire thing is aborted, and irreversible damage is done to the relationship (to one's "soulmate", as well as with their parents, because if you ruin this you might as well just dig up Grandpa Jones and fuck him right in the ass, since he's already rolled over in his grave). This is a situation that could be avoided entirely if there never was a wedding in the first place.

Included on the list of "reasons why this is more of an awful idea than a good one," is the expectation that the relationship is magically made better by these acts alone. There are no words that strengthen a bond between people, because it is not, and never has been, verbal language that ties two people together emotionally. Being inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame won't magically improve your batting average. Wining an Oscar doesn't make your acting better than it was before you won it. If anything, it makes you sloppy, acting as a milestone in which you plunge your dick and leave it. Both marriage and a wedding will individually and collectively lower your self-imposed standards for relationship quality, over time.
As well, the presence of a minister directly infringes on many people's "keep your religion the fuck away from me" policy, an ideology that must be relinquished for literally no good reason whatsoever.

In case you weren't already convinced, I'll gladly remind you of the ideas behind the "bachelor" or "bachelorette" party. What we've concocted here is a night that is symbolic of one's transition from being unmarried to the horrible, restrictive alternative. Not only does this offer the opportunity to spend hours in the company of other sexually desirable people in a very suggestive and almost insistent environment, but it brings with it the implication that you can be, and up to this point have been, unfaithful to your significant other. You're insinuating that dating someone is so basic and loose that you could have and probably were fucking anything and everything, but you can't do that after tonight, or else you might lose your mate.
Well, fuck you then, for questioning my ability to commit to another, and assuming I haven't already.

I have yet to be presented with a reasonable use for the traditional wedding, unless your aim is to bankrupt yourself and ensure that whatever offspring you may produce during your "night of consummation" (another big issue; I and many other people like to keep their personal lives person, and your whole family knows exactly what you're doing and is happy about it) will be well-versed in the art of panhandling for years to come. I welcome any contrasting views, and wish anyone luck in trying to sway this giant novel of concrete absolution on the matter.

Semi-Famous People Say Some Really Stupid Shit

Humility seems to be the first thing to make a hasty exit from one's internal repertoire as soon as they garner more than a whiff of  fame. This is less prevalent within the community of the YouTube famous, yet the exceptions are few and far between; the ratio of arrogance:modesty is heavily in favour of the negative. Coupled with that comes the opinion that one (perhaps literally) shits untouchable gold and that everything that may secrete from one's fingers, mouth, or pores, should be heralded as pure genius, even when it's actually something that everybody - everybody intelligent - already understands.

Recently, a man who has proven this hypothesis frequently and publicly in the past took to his Twitter to spew forth a textual cacophony of words in what appeared to be an attempt at a mind-blowing epiphany. To paraphrase, he informed what he must conclude to be a mass of uneducated mush that he believes an individual shouldn't be judged or treated unjustly solely because of the decisions that their region's government makes.

This is a sound statement, and it isn't the belief that irks me. I am disturbed because it is an opinion that nobody has an argument against. 

Now, I'm just one person, but in my experience, people don't live in one particular country simply and entirely because they agree with that country's political platform, electoral or otherwise. This is an established and widely agreed upon concept. It's boggling to me that I've even taken the time to type that out. You don't take up residence in England because you enjoy monarchy. Even if someone moved from a democratic nation to a totalitarian one, no person would jump to the conclusion that they did so because they got sick of voting.

Still, that situation is entirely different from the topic of discussion. You can easily form an opinion of a person based on their political views (although it's largely frowned upon and not at all a reasonable way to determine someone's worth), however it would be completely idiotic to choose their country of origin's governmental choices as a vantage point from which to decide whether or not you liked that person. It's as if the man who made this statement imagines that people think we exist in a world where everyone has political sway in their respective locale's parliamentary offices. We don't. You have to go to school for that. 

This wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't positive that hundreds of people treated that as if it were a gift from a genius. Given this man's propensity to deliver shit from his many orifices like an overzealous geyser of worthless ideas and yet still be well-received by his many fans, one can make the appropriate assumption that many ostensibly intelligent, avid followers promptly hopped on and rode his dick as though he saved them from a world of incomprehensible darkness by proudly displaying his ability to state the completely obvious. Nobody had visibly challenged his assertion, not because it was false, but because it was so true that it needn't be mentioned. Like they're afraid to tell him that we're not as stupid as he seems to think.

This is a man who has achieved popularity by regurgitating various fluids, screaming profusely and dressing as Batman in almost-public (in reference to his attempt to qualify a "public prank" with the presence of one or two passersby). These actions alone are entertaining until done constantly, and are made especially unfunny by his insistence on proselytizing his thoughts in such a way as to make several people believe he thinks he's been sent from the heavens on a silver unicorn that can cure AIDS with its tears.

Don't get me wrong; I don't think I'm better than the guy. I don't consider myself great, nor do I believe I'm deserving of his popularity. I am pleased with my successes, and don't pretend that I'm more enjoyed, recognized or desired by the growing numbers of "internetters" than many of my cohorts. There are aspects of this man's work that I respect highly, unfortunately there aren't enough of those aspects to redeem his egotism, self-love, condescension and blatant misogyny. 

Rant end.