Old Movies Suck.

I feel like I shouldn't have to say that.

I recently skimmed an article - I say skimmed because there's no part of me willing to put the time and/or effort into more than perusing this subject matter - discussing the restoration amd re-release of Hammer Films "Classic movies" on Blu-Ray. Seems that standard and HD DVD are so yesterday that film companies are once again wasting money trying to adapt grainy, scratched film relics, with stains reminiscent of faecal waste put through a wood chipper and sprayed onto 32mm film strips, for the minuscule population who gives more than three and a half fucks about Blu-Ray while simultaneously giving just as many to flicks that have been bad since 1984.

I'm going to give you five names.
1. Grace Kelly
2. Marlene Dietrich
3. James Stewart
4. Kim Novak
5. Doris Day

Be honest with yourself, how many of them have you heard of? Two, three maybe? Now, how many of their movies have you seen? That's what I thought. I'm trying to illustrate two points here:

Point 1. Whether or not you're a memorable actor/actress has little to do with the movies you're in. It has to do with your performance on and off the screen, and your stay value. In other words, everyone knows who Boris Karloff is, and less than half of you have seen the original Frankenstein. I haven't even seen it, because I don't give a fuck. Everyone knows who Audrey Hepburn is, because nobody stops talking about how nice of a woman she was. If she was a bitch, people would say "She was good in movies" and then probably flip off her ghost for being so crusty.

Point 2. Films don't need to be adapted for young audiences, because if someone is genuinely interested in either the history or the performances in said films, they're going to watch them regardless of the video quality. Collections of Alfred Hitchcock originals sell by the boatload, none of which are adapted or remastered. Real buffs don't care.

"People want to see these movies because they want to see innovation at work. Hammer Films revolutionized the horror movie industry." See point 2.

"But regular DVD players won't be available forever, and Blu-Ray is the new wave in video technology." Okay, sure, and by the time that happens, every single one of these movies will be public domain and available online, or more importantly, in a library anywhere.

This move is about money and nothing else. I'm not going to be a liberal piss hole and whine, moan and period all about exploitation of cinema or consumers, companies sucking money out of the layman, etc. My larger point is, if people are more like me, without a Blu-Ray player because Sony is the devil incarnate, or legitimate vintage film enthusiasts, or (once again like me) understand that old movies are like old books and old people, meant to be locked away to collect dust and taken out only when you really want to hear a bunch of farfetched, poor quality, hazy stories, the whole adaptation concept is a waste of time and money.

It's also probably the reason why movies like "Hobo With a Shotgun" exist; nobody's paying any god damn attention.