I'm not even complaining, because so far it's great.
There's something about killing minions of hell that gets me hard like no "real man" ever could. After a particularly involved cutscene wherein you watch the main character sew a cross into his chest with a tapestry of what is apparently his shitty, treacherous life story, you're thrust immediately into the killing of innocent men dressed in old Arabian garb.
Then you die.
Then you kill death, take his scythe, and presumably shit on his face/neck/up his nose so that if he ever does come back, he will have to smell it forever.
You make your way into hell itself to rescue your wife because she, in typical woman fashion, made a deal with the devil behind your back, probably to assert her independence as your spouse, because she never gets to do anything "with the guys." You're out fighting the holy war with her brother and she's stuck at home cleaning your crusted over ham and cheese omelette off the plate you left by the couch. This inevitably damns her soul, which is what she gets because she took on a job that only a man should handle.
Along the way you meet several very real forsaken individuals from very real points in history (except for a couple that you really only have the bible to reference, so it's like a Robert Munsch book because you're thinking maybe this actually does happen somewhere but you've never heard of it except on paper), and you have the choice to "punish" or "absolve" them. One gives you holy points while the other gives you unholy points for being a bad, bad man, which you use to unlock attacks and defenses depending on whether you want to be righteous or evil. These skill trees are fairly balanced, although I hear tell that the final boss is easier with the god almighty buffs that the holy side gives you.
Dante's Inferno does a very good job of distancing itself from Darksiders. Here, you're just a man...a really strong man with a huge dick that probably would kick the shit out of War with strategically-placed mushroom slaps. Some enemies are similar, however overall more varied and original (I just got through a room full of babies with blades for arms, hopping around on them like coping polio victims), and have been tied in well to religious origin. Although the mechanics and controls are essentially the same, the attacks are quite different. The holy skill tree is also exclusive to this one.
The game has a linear play style, there is very little emphasis on any open world aspects. However, sometimes you'll have to stray from the obvious path i order to find whatever secrets are hidden around. For example, sometimes a hallway will have two branching corridors that you can choose from. The obvious downside here is that with a 50/50 chance, sometimes you'll pick the one that advances the story, and often it won't let you backtrack to go the other direction. You literally have to wait until your second playthrough to get some of the secrets you've missed.
The mini-bosses are, so far, all different and entertaining. If anyone reading has ever played Bayonetta, they'll know what I mean. It's like the complete opposite though; Bayonetta fights all these gods from ancient texts. Dante here is killing demons. The most hilarious thing about being in hell is that all around you are half-dead, eternally damned corpses just screaming up a storm. The atmosphere is very active, and dank.
The "Lust" stage just makes you feel dirty, like a rapist who targeted an old lady for lack of any more appealing talent. Like you satiated your sexual thirst on a chick in a wheelchair because her arms weren't buff enough to push as fast as you can run. Seriously, everything is shaped like a vagina, and gross vagina beasts spew forth like the wall-vaginas are on their wall-vagina menses.
It's awesome.
It's a hard ass game, despite all that. I just got through the third stage of what I think are ten, and it took me like an hour to pass both bosses. If you like merciless, hearty prison rape from time to time, be sure to pick up this title, because it delivers a whole lot of it.
8/10
